i have something brewing in my mind. it seems that it could be important, inspiring, or wonderful (or maybe just total crap) but lately, i can't pen down the words to make sense of it all. this leaves me feeling equally relieved and frustrated. relieved because i get to keep these thoughts to myself and not share them with the world. however it's frustrating, because i'm a sharer. i want to talk and disclose. in turn, i often expect the same from others. i want to get to know people quickly, and prefer to avoid the surface awkwardness and trivial things discussed. to break it down, i.hate.small.talk. let's just skip the banter and get to the good stuff shall we?
speaking of small talk... going home always leaves me a bit unsettled. it's hard to describe the amount of anxiety and happiness all wrapped into one little feeling. yes, it's happiness to see those that i love, anxiety for what we have left, happiness for moving forward, anxiety from second guessing decisions. it's all a hot mess in my head.
and while we're talking about decision making, i must really confess that i STRUGGLE with it. not with silly things like deciding where to eat dinner (mexican. it's almost always mexican) or what movie to choose (rom-com), but more important stuff like paper or plastic? kidding. but seriously, it's stuff like school and the inner debate about racking up student loans or waiting and hoping for a scholarship. i worry about decisions regarding babies or lack thereof, and i can't decide on living in the city or going for a place with a washer and dryer, parking, and space (a.k.a the 'burbs).
but despite my worries and abilities of decision making, i'm looking forward to this year. i feel good things coming. we've got some pretty serious goals, and some fun ones, and some crazy- so-crazy-that-it-might-work goals. i think that is really all i can ask for right now- something to look forward to.
hello, january.
can we get at least five days of sunshine?
post script:
and, if all else fails, i'll just ask, "what tina fey would do?" because she's a genius. and yes, i'm like five years behind the 30 rock/liz lemon awesomeness but i'm hoping to make up the time and learn some pointers from her rad book, bossy pants. hil.ario.us.
I always get a lot of mind noise this time of year too...at the risk of sounding like I have been hooked up to a morphine pump for the last 4 months....who is Tina Fey? I must have a bit of her in my world:)
ReplyDeletei knew this post would be good from reading the first few sentences. i think just writing stuff down sometimes help clear the head.
ReplyDeleteTina has the answer to every question. It is never too late to seek out her advice. You will love the book!
ReplyDeleteI've been eyeing that book for a while- we love the show. she kinda scares me sometimes but i guess thats the point! hilarious!
ReplyDeleteIt's like reading a page from my own diary. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by all the decisions/choices, give up, and tell myself it will all work itself out.
ReplyDeleteAnd Bossypants is hilarious.
What a great post. First of all, I feel the same way about small talk. I'd much rather get down to the nitty gritty (picture nacho libre here). Surface talk is the worst.. Also, we're behind on the genius if Tina fey as well, we are almost caught up on 30 rock. That show is amazing. We just watched the episode where the homeless man tells Kenneth to give him his fingernails
ReplyDeletei approve you looking up to tina fey. she is awesome. and i feel like i know her now, post-book.
ReplyDeletewhat is the decision about babies? wink.
Lovely blog girl! :0)
ReplyDeleteYou;re really pretty... Now following you <3 follow me back?
xoxo, love&hugs
http://barbie-bombshell.blogspot.com
Hi, I so agree, this time is just "brain swirl" time. Especially after reading that book you left me "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close" That alone made my brain think crazy thoughts ha ha. I could so use some tina fey? I need to check in to her book. As for the "New Year"..I wrote down 10 things I wanted to do this year and then remembered my continuous weight loss goal? I guess it must not be too high on my priority list right now ha ha. well have a great week, love ya MoM
ReplyDeleteI frequently ask "What would Tina Fey do?" and when that gives me no answer I say "What would Liz Lemon do?" and then at least I have a laugh even if my problems aren't solved! :)
ReplyDeleteLoved your honesty in this post! And you described me to a tee when talking about indecision over things like where to eat....I can never make up my mind about dumb stuff and when I do make a decision I usually change my mind right after! I am the worst!
ReplyDeleteHope 2012 is your best year yet! :)
atleast your indecision has to do with big stuff. mine is big stuff and small stuff... clint HATES when i can't choose where to eat or what to order etc.
ReplyDeletei'm glad you share your thoughts when you can!
We are suffering a slow painful death in the suburbs. Not recommended. It's great for kids though. Hope you get your thoughts sorted out. Helps to take it one at a time. And Tina Fey would go to Coachella.
ReplyDeleteah i need to read that book. I'm only hearing great things about it. good luck with your goals and cheers to the new year.
ReplyDeleteYes, decisions are SO annoying! Good luck with all that, I wish I had some good advice.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Yeah you are behind! But better late than never. 30 rock just aired again and I was oh so happy!